I was raised in an atheist family. My parents never told me God did not exist… we simply never spoke about it.
At the age of 5 my parents split. I went, not by choice, to live with my mother. She moved us to a large city. My dad remained in a small town.
Around the age of 9 or 10 I gained a strong interest in the martial arts. At that time I began training under Wado-ryu Karate. Around the age of 13 I was studying several styles of martial arts and a student of eastern religions traditionally associated with the arts.
Sometime between then and 15 year old I had developed my own philosophy/religion. I was a very violent person internally, but often treaded others with exceptional respect and kindness. I always watched out for the little guy and wanted to be a “good person”. My religious beliefs we similar to that of pagan/druid and new age/satanic/gothic. Sorry thatīs not very descriptive, but to save time and reading I wont go in to all the details. Basically I HATED Christians.
I was addicted to sex, self-mutilation (way before that became trendy), witchcraft (not this cheese pop culture crap), and violence.
One weekend I decided to go visit my dad. That visit ended with him attacking me and I broke his knee! After that I went back to my home and closed all the blinds and literally sat in darkness for almost 2 weeks. I didnīt do any martial arts; I didnīt care anymore.
One night while I was considering killing myself I had a strange feeling in my chest. I couldnīt explain it but some how I KNEW it was Jesus. For 5 hours I couldnīt shake this overwhelming sensation. So at 3:30am I said out loud, “Jesus, if youīre real and youīre really who you say you are, then my life is screwed without you. If you really are here to save me, then I need it now. I accept you as my Sensei (Teacher), please save me like you promised.”
In that moment the most amazing thing happened. I can only explain it like 3000 lbs of dead skin covering my body and for the first time it being totally pulled away. I took a huge breath and for the first time in my life the air seemed fresh and real!
Then this huge flood of emotion hit me. I began to laugh and cry at once. I was feeling something change inside of me… like surgery. And in that moment my entire life and personality changed. From that day on Iīve lived with Joy and compassion, tenderness (which Iīm still learning daily), faith, hope, peace, PEACE, love, and most importantly a friendship with a God who is real and intimate and my dearest friend.
That night I heard God speak to me for the first time. Itīs happened often since then. Usually he speaks to me with just a sensation or a knowing…. But from time to time itīs an audible voice or a message. Dreams and visions sometimes occur too.
I am still a martial artist. God turned a violent man and made him violent for relationship with God. I give my art to God as a form of worship. I no longer fight people. I havenīt since that night I hope I never do again. My war isnīt against flesh and blood.
A few months after that night when God changed my life, I was able to meet with my dad and have reconciliation. I also shared my new faith with him and he too became a believer in Jesus.
This is actually just the beginning of the story, thereīs much, much more to it and it only gets better.
Thanks for bringing up this topic! Writing this has reminded me of how much the Lordīs done, how good he is. If you read this whole thing… God bless you head! Much peace to you and the grace of the Lord is yours.
Selah,
Justin |
