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Reaching Out
I often wonder why
It seems as though
No one really even cares.
Sometimes it feels
That I might as well
Not even exist.
I lay on my bed at night
My hands covering my face
As tears stream down my cheeks.
For once I just wish
That someone would come by
And just hold me close to them
And show me that they truly care.
That they would comfort me
And tell me that
Everything will be okay.
But no one would
Ever do that for me
So I will just continue
To reach out to God
And let Him hold me
And comfort me!
Dawna Simpson © 2000
I OFTEN WONDER
I often wonder why
It seems as though
No one really even cares.
Sometimes it feels
That I might as well
Not even exist.
I lay in bed at night
My hands covering my face
As the tears run down my cheeks.
For once I just wish
That someone would come by
And just hold me
And show me that they truly care.
That they would comfort me
And tell me that
Everything will be okay.
But no one would
Ever do that for me.
So I will just continue
To reach out to God
And let him hold me
And comfortme!
Dawna Simpson © 2000
My Heart
I've built a wall around my heart
To guard it from pain and hurt
Allowing only certian people to get close.
I do not block my heart from you
To keep you from getting in.
I guard my heart so people
Cannot get too close.
But deep inside my heart
There is the love and feelings
That I have for you.
I want to let you into my heart.
For inside is a place just for you.
I long to know you better
And become close to you.
My prayer is for us to
Grow closer in Christ
And closer at heart.
Each and everyday may love for you
Grows stronger and deeper
Slowly allowing you to get
Closer to my heart.
Someday, somehow
My heart will be completely yours.
Dawna Simpson © 2000
MY STORY
I never thought about killing myself;
It just became a natural condition.
Kind of like catching a cold.
One minute I'm fine,
The next minute I'm not.
People would talk about suicide
And I would think to myself,
I would never do that.
Why would someone want to do
Something so final,
So stupid?
I just wanted the pain to stop.
But it got to the point
Where I would do whatever it took
To make that happen.
It started with the usual stuff.
My mom isn't there for me
When I need her.
At least,
That's how it feels.
I was having trouble with my friends.
The ones I had not lost
Were unable to help me.
My problems were too much for them.
The intensity of my pain
Scared them, like it did me.
What was wrong with me?
Why is it that when it gets hard,
Everyone tends to leave me?
I was alone.
All I had were the voices in my head.
They told me I blew it.
I was too needy.
That I was never going to be loved.
I felt that I wasn't even good enough
To be loved by my own parents.
You know when you're really hurting,
You feel like you can call someone
And tell them how much it hurts
And they will say,
They are sorry you are hurting?
I was crying and I called
To the Lord above.
I told Him it hurts too much.
He replied "Child, I love you.
I'll take away your pain."
It didn't seem real or possible to me.
I went to my room.
Put the knife to my wrist
And made a cut.
I saw the blood appear.
And I began to cry.
It was a whole new kind of pain.
Physically, I was bleeding.
Emotionally, I was more scared
Than I had ever been.
I did not want to die.
I did not die.
But I hurt my body…
The temple of the Holy One.
I scared and hurt a lot of people.
I scared myself
But I didn't die.
I cant begin to tell you
How happy I am.
I cringe everytime
Someone finds out.
I was afraid to write this
But i wanted to help someone else.
Someone who might be
Thinking about it or
Who is in a lot of pain.
Over and over
I hear my Savior say
"Child, I love you.
I will take away your pain."
I weep everytime I hear those words.
I have realized
My parents really do care
And they are doing the best they can.
I have found a new Friend.
One who will never leave me
Nor forsake me.
One who will always love me.
My intense feelings
Will never scare Him away.
He knows what it means
To be there for someone
You truly care about.
After prayer and repentance,
We are closer now than we've ever been.
I am starting to forgive myself.
I have a boyfriend
Who knows "my story."
We have agreed to take things slowly.
These are only a few
Of the things I would have missed.
Life gets really hard sometimes
And really painful.
I couldn't feel everyone's love
For I had forgotten how to love myself.
I am learning now-
Learning how
To accept, forgive and love myself.
And I'm learning that things change.
Pain does go away.
And happiness is the other side.
Although the pain comes back
So does the happiness.
Dawna Simpson © 1999
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